Of course – there’s the decision as to the person you’re about to marry! But there is also decisions to be made as to whom will be your bridesmaids…

If you’re one of those blessed people with a huge number of close friends and relatives that all feel they have a chance at being part of the briday party, what do you do?

Simple answer: make them all your maids of honour and bridesmaids! Oh! If it was only that simple…

My cousin, who I had seen a bit of during our school holidays as children, but who I had little contact with over the years after we ‘grew up’ was really peeved with me when I didn’t ask her to be my Bridesmaid. I was flabbergasted! We were only having a small wedding with a scattering of relatives (my and my husband’s immediate families, grandmother and another cousin who I’d been a bridesmaid for) and this particular cousin who was angry with me hadn’t even been on the invitation list. As I said we’d had no contact during our adult years – just hearing the occasional news through our mothers. When I received a nasty letter in the mail from ‘peeved cousin’ I tried to make amends by sending her an invitation to be one of the wedding guests. She RSVP’d that she’d attend, but on the day didn’t bother to show up.

Years later she apologized, very embarassed at the way she’d behaved, and all was forgiven.

I’m just glad that I hadn’t let her nasty letter sway my decision to have my best friend as my bridesmaid. As it stands, having my best friend in the important role of bridesmaid allowed me to share my special day with a person I love and respect.

Moral to the story?

You need to make your decision on who you want to play a major part in the organising of, and build up to your wedding. Remember – it is your day! Not Aunt Martha’s, or Cousin Peevey, or even your primary school friend’s! You’re the one getting married, and make your decision on what makes you feel good. You don’t want to regret not having your day the way you wanted it, years later.

If you can’t make every cousin, friend, and flat-mate part of your Bridal Party, then the answer is to find alternative roles for them to perform on the day. These could include:

• Usher

  If they are naturally good with people, why not ask them to greet wedding guests as they arrive at your wedding venue? They could hand out the booklets and take wedding guests to their seats.

• Marriage Celebrant

  Asking someone to perform your marriage ceremony could be one of the highest compliments. Of course they would need to get a license to become a Celebrant. Check out your relevant country’s policy on what is needed to obtain a license. Here’s the Australian Government’s website on becoming a Celebrant.

  A wedding we attended (one of the most beautiful ceremonies I’ve ever seen) was performed by a close friend of the bride. The Celebrant was able to add that personal touch to every word as she had known the bride since they were toddlers.

• Master of Ceremony (MC) at the Reception

  If your friend has a flair for public speaking, why not ask them to MC your wedding reception?

• Musician

  One bride asked an old school buddy (who had a great singing voice) to sing at the church. She was honoured.

  Another Bride who was once a part of a band asked her band friends (some of them Bridesmaid material) to play at the wedding ceremony as well as the reception. They were so excited to perform, they didn’t even give not being part of the bridal party a second thought. They wrote a song for the bride and groom and played it on the day.

• Special Friend

  Why not ask someone you care about to help you dress and get ready on the day.

  You’d be surprised at the number of brides who struggle on their wedding day to get ready, whether it be putting a petticoat on, or buttoning their dresses up… all the things their Bridesmaids were supposed to be helping them with! But the truth is, on the day most Bridesmaids are running around like crazy women, getting dressed, putting on make-up, fixing that broken nail, finding that lost shoe, checking each other’s hair, pinning that safety-pin to keep that bra strap in position, and the list goes on… that they hardly have a chance to help the bride out with her preparation.

  Why not have your own special friend, a calming influence and totally dedicated to helping you on the day? I had several – mum at one point, my brother at another, and my poor old dad had to help get my skirts and petticoats bundled up when I suddenly needed to go to the bathroom just before leaving for the marriage ceremony!